Good Game Internets, You Win

Zune ad. This might be borderline NSFW, so please view responsibly.

I just...I just don't know. Why!? My eyes are burning. This is more like a Fart Double Decker Sandwich. I dare you to watch the whole thing.

Whomever made this video should be not allowed to, well, to do anything, ever. Ironiclly this probably represents the quality of a Zune quite well.

Now excuse me while I barf up my Thanksgiving left overs.

NOTE: This video contains disturbing images.

A Battle Hymn For Children

Ever meet someone, and start talking, and start chatting for a bit and then a little more and you're like, "wow this person is pretty co.. oh crap this guys a effing weirdo" That thing that happens, that point, its like finding child porn on someones computer, that one thing that makes you entirely rethink your attitude towards the other human being. Here's a couple show-stoppers for me:

Knives
Having a knife is good, a good blade to cut open letters or perhaps just throw at that tree outside. That's fun. However, those gun-show DRAGON SLAYER X-1 multi-barbed pieces, or the kind where someone you don't know well enough whips it out in your face and goes, "YEAH MAN I'M ALWAYS READY TO GET MUGGED." Whenever I see that my brain just ticks off-"Insecure, possibly unstable"

Guns
Anytime anyone has more than six guns that they don't know a whole lot about my brain starts thinking about their inner child being instead an insane Howard Hughes style recluse in the Nevada desert with human organs in their double-wides refrigerator. Which reminds me...

Refrigerators with Only Condiments
I never trust someone who has a full pantry but nothing to eat.

Gobble Gobble?

Okay, I can honestly say I know nothing about Sarah Palin, and she seems like a really nice lady and all, but maybe not the sharpest tool in the shed when in the spotlight. See if you notice anything a little bizarre about the location of this interview. Maybe PETA hasn't seen this video yet and she'll be alright. Either way, she has just prepared a delicious fart sandwich for herself. I'm sure the guy in the background thinks he'll stay invisible to the camera as long as he doesn't make any sudden movements, much like that of a T-Rex in Jurrasic Park. If he stays just still enough, the camera...ah SHIT! They saw me. I predict SNL will spoof this.

The Resolution

How do you feel about horses? Would you say you love them? Out of all the animals, would you consider them the best?

When a series of children's magazines were launched for horse-mad girls, the advertisers couldn't have guessed just how catchy their jingle would become. The simple song promoting the magazines goes: "I love horses Best of all the animals I love horses They’re my friends."

You can hear the original on the magazine's website. Go listen, I'll wait here.

Done? Told you it was catchy. Now since fartsandwich is a unbiased blog, it would only be fair to show the counterpoint or flip side to this story. You see, not everyone loves horses. In fact, some people hate horses and would go so far as to say that they are the worst of all animals.

The most vocal of these individuals can be found at this blog. I will warn you though, his views are quite blunt.

Boys Will Be Boys

This story all sorts of scares the shit out of me. What the hell is wrong with kids nowadays!!?

FORT PIERCE — An 11-year-old boy accused of hitting his mother in the head with a saw before offering her $5 not to call police is facing an aggravated battery charge, according to a St. Lucie County Sheriff's Office report released Thursday.

The altercation happened Wednesday morning in the 1700 block of Wyoming Avenue after the boy and his 41-year-old mother argued as she tried to get him to take his medication. Following the argument, the boy bicycled to the Wyoming Avenue address, where he apparently started hitting a tree with a saw.

The mother followed him, but he still wouldn't take the medicine. He raised the saw and hit his mother, who had a minor laceration, on top of her head.

"When he saw the blood coming from her head he threw down the saw and started to plead with the victim to not call the police," the report states.

He reportedly offered a $5 bill to his mother if she didn't notify authorities.

The victim's pregnant 19-year-old daughter said the boy has tried to cut her stomach with a fork, claiming he was going to give her a "C-section."

She also said he tried to use hairspray and a cigarette lighter as a torch to set the family cat ablaze. The 19-year-old daughter's husband said he found him looking up bomb-making instructions on the Internet.

The boy repeatedly apologized to his mother and said he struck her with the saw by accident.

You're Doing It Wrong

Don't ever make eye contact! That's NOT how you do it.

Whoa Don't Eff With Silver

Stan Jones (born January 13, 1943) is a Libertarian Party politician.

Jones developed argyria, which permanently turned his skin a blue-grey color, by consuming home-made colloidal silver, which he made due to fears the Y2K problem would make antibiotics unavailable.

Jones continues to promote the use of colloidal silver as a home remedy.

This guy did what? He made some kind of homebrew antibody cocktail in his basement to fortify himself for the apocolypse that never came? What's the deal with, what was it, colloidal silver?

Prior to 1938, colloidal silver was widely promoted as a "cure-all", and silver products were prescribed by physicians as topical antibiotics. However, with the development of more effective, less expensive antibiotics such as penicillin and sulfanilamide, medical use of colloidal silver ceased. From approximately 1990, there has been a resurgence of the promotion of colloidal silver as an alternative medicine treatment, marketed with claims that it can prevent or treat numerous diseases.

Colloidal silver products are legally available at health food stores in the United States and Australia and are marketed over the Internet as a dietary supplement. It is illegal in the U.S. and Australia for marketers to make claims of medical effectiveness for colloidal silver, but some websites still list its use for the prevention of colds and flu, and the treatment of more serious conditions such as diabetes, cancer, chronic fatigue syndrome, HIV/AIDS, and tuberculosis, among other diseases. Colloidal silver has been found to lack any antimicrobial effect, and there is no medical evidence that colloidal silver is effective for any of these claimed indications. Silver is not an essential mineral in humans; there is no dietary requirement for silver, and no such thing as a silver "deficiency".

What about the condition that turned his skin blue? Argyria?

Excessive intake of silver products may result in a condition known as argyria, one symptom of which is blue or gray discoloration of the skin. The discoloration occurs when silver is deposited in the skin and then darkened by sunlight, just as silver particles in photographic film darken when exposed to sunlight. Localized argyria can occur as a result of topical use of silver-containing remedies, while generalized argyria results from the ingestion of colloidal silver. Arygria is usually permanent, and there is no known effective treatment. While argyria is usually benign and limited to skin discoloration, there are isolated reports of more serious neurologic, renal, or hepatic complications.